Rough Times

Life thus far in Louisiana this project has been tough.  The project itself is a really great opportunity, with an organization, the St. Bernard Project, that reminds me of Teach For America in its ambitious goals, desire to help its community, and its focus on results (minus the burnout--a nice plus).  But my team is in a rough spot.  With one member gone since the winter break, and another MIA because of a medical condition (the latter being the most approachable and emotionally in-touch with the rest of the team), we're floundering in how to develop a team spirit and attitude.  My corps members treat our time here as if we're a task force, feeling fulfilled if at the end of an 8-10 hour workday we've accomplished the goal.  Yet we communicate and find consensus so poorly that we haven't even decided upon a team name, 4 months through.

Some members of the team are having trouble swallowing that it's a residential program, and we have a commitment to each other as a team, and responsibilities, beyond that of daytime and sponsor-tied service alone.  Our commitment to each other doesn't end when we all pile into the same vehicle to drive home to our shared housing.  The very means of transportation should make that clear, yes?  No.

So much of my corps members' behavior is self-centered, thoughtless, not in consideration of the team or of the effects of their actions and words upon each other.  In particular, a couple of them can embody a consistently nasty attitude, bringing everyone down, undermining higher ambitions beyond the absolute minimum, looking out for their interests alone, and encouraging these same tendencies in others.

Because I spend so much time combating this apathy, there's been a division created between me and some people on my team.  They are automatically on the defense, since I put so much energy and focus into counteracting their behaviors and so obviously am displeased by their behavior.  One can only hide their true feelings for so long, and it's harder still in a residential program where you're always around others.

I have hope for future improvement, and have a plan and action steps for developing an improved team spirit, and for addressing behavior that fails to improve with disciplinary action.  But it doesn't change the fact that I'm lonely from the divide, constantly angry while trying at the same time to exemplify a positive attitude, and spend as much free time as I can give without going crazy dealing with or reassuring corps members.  Mildly depressed might be a good description for me, now.  Frustrated and impatient with slow results.  I wonder if this is similar to how TFA teachers feel?